2003-11-23

 
Benevolent conversation and encouters.

I have sat lonely, envious of tribes and communities that I remain an outsider to, desirous to open conversation with persons that appeal and whom I assume to be interesting. Having moved around different cities, and being an initially-shy, honest person without the façade of laying pickup-lines nor wearing an advertising costume to lure people to interact with me, I have grown somber over an absence of friendships. I do belong to a small, specific community, but I believe that boundaries should always be transcended, and the limits of comfort or satisfaction should never cease the need to interact with strangers and to meet new people. It is through this interaction that we learn, gain experience, and grow. We develop our personalities and we assemble systems of peers – pools of human resources, outlets for sharing.

How does one attract the mutual interest necessary for interaction? Kind people do not sit on thrones, awaiting to be approached and thus served. I have found that most people, including those smilers that view every human as a potentiality, only have time and effort to make new friends if they are looking for something to receive, if they can benefit too. Friendships are reciprocal. Yet it is egotistical to walk around as if you have something to give in order to receive; this would allow the woes of capitalist market-ethos to encroach upon the sociological realm. Social capital ends at a smiling face. I do hope to accumulate as many friendly encounters as I might, but if all I received was a smile and a pleasantry, I could live satisfied.

It is under the idea that one does not want to trade anything but friendliness that I believe the key to interaction lies. I believe that it is inquisitiveness, curiosity, and geniality that unlock an other’s disposition of being busy. Ask a person about themself and they will unfold before you, letting down their petals to bear nectar. All persons enjoy telling what they know, to attempt to influence someone else. (Of course, to allow this unfolding to sustain would develop a desire for power and governance. We should never submit fully to individuals, but rather open our channels to test every new idea against our old ones, tried but not necessarily true.) Yet if the conversationalist succeeds in sparking your interest with their enthusiasm, they will have gained another peer. It is then that you open your own chest and display your commonalities. And of course, you both will have gained a “friend” and had a positive encounter.
posted by MM 10:27 PM