2003-07-19

 
Last night I went to see a concert (Bardo Pond, Kinski, Subarachnoid Space; see Atrocity Jukebox for the review.) I stayed up front, unlike my usual retreat to the back corner perch of the concert space, because I attended the show with two friends. I can almost undoubtedly say that I did not leave the view from in front of the amplifier because of peer pressure (i say "almost" because I did it also out of ignorance). It is remarkable how far peer pressure will take a person. I cherish my hearing (how else will I be able to find a future expression of all the music I've been carrying with me?) and I normally worry about hurting my ears, but a simple "tsk!" from a friend makes one feel self-conscious for dissenting to them. At the concert I also would have wanted to dance freely as if no one was around, but I felt as if everyone would stare at me and think I was the dancing weirdo. The difference between the hippies and the indies is amazing. While the indies are ideologically sharp, their social skills are incorrigible. I hope that my flirtation with the straight-ahead world does not provoke hideous qualities such as weakness to peer pressure. Nevertheless I quite easily avoided drinking even though my friend offered to buy me something. My point here is that no matter how strong-willed someone may be, peer pressure still abounds in the slightest incidents. I often wonder if it is better for me to just be a loner, a true individual, and walk away whenever I feel like it. I would rarely get close to anyone but I would be 100% self-accountable. Sometimes I think about the selfish existential appeal of worrying about you, yourself, first and foremost. We should of course be rather making sacrifices to help people and lend a hand where available, but this position can lend to getting taken advantage of and letting down one's guard. It is then that we make regrettable mistakes because we have forgotten what we have set out to do here in the world, which is simply to be oneself benevolently.
posted by MM 10:41 AM